The Truth About What Others Think of You

How Do I Look?

I’m going to go out on a limb and presume most people who read this are the type to check themselves out every opportunity they come across.

Bathroom mirror, storefront window, selfie camera, sidewalk puddle.

If you’re not, you need to work on your appearance a little more. 😉

In our material world, we’re obsessed with what’s in fashion, the latest tech, nice cars.

We like to look sharp, feel important, be noticed. It provides us a sense of self-worth.

However, if you are merely trying to garner attention by the way you dress, how you act, what you post, and your self-esteem is dictated by your perception of what others think of you, know you’ll forever be miserable.

Look At Me - I’m Rich!

If you had more money than you could imagine, what would you do with it?

Many have already thought it through, made that list - everything they’d buy if they won the lottery.

Mansions, cars, boats, private jet, a wardrobe bigger than you could imagine.

It’s all me, me, me.

Narcissism isn’t anything new, but one thing has thrown it in our face more than anything else in recent history.

Social media.

If you haven’t figured it out, it’s not good for you.

One of my early posts which didn’t make the blog was titled “The End of Social Media.”

In it, I linked Srinivas Rao’s insightful post which highlights how destructive it is.

He quotes Robert Greene from “The Laws of Human Nature”:

“Through social media we have a continual window into the lives of friends, pseudo-friends, and celebrities. And what we see is not some unvarnished peek into their world but a highly idealized image that they present. We see only the most exciting images from their vacations, the happy faces of their friends, and children, accounts of their continual self-improvement, the fascinating people they are meeting, the great causes and projects they are involved in, the example of success in their endeavours.”

We’re all guilty of it.

You’re not going to upload photos when you’ve lost your job, fought with your significant other, or had an accident when you’re the at-fault driver.

You want to show yourself “living your best life.”

This has led some to go into crazy levels of debt. All for what?

I knew someone who at twenty-two was liable for tens of thousands of dollars for her:

• Education
• Car
• Credit cards
• Boobs

Zero assets in her name.

Her rationale on budget and earning capacity so deluded.

“I’ll make a thousand this week driving Uber…I’ll make ten thousand trading crypto.”

She couldn’t even afford the penthouse apartment she resided in.

Don’t be a charlatan, a pretender, wannabe.

If you:

• Talk a big game yet have no plan, procrastinate, or do zero work behind the scenes
• Compare yourself to others, be it think you’re superior or question their “luck” or ability
• Cannot accept criticism, get defensive, don’t ask for help because you’re too proud and see it as a sign of weakness
• Put up a front, act tough, hide your true personality
• Doubt yourself, care about what others think to the point of being indecisive and not taking action; then

the only person you’re fooling is yourself.

There’s a saying, “Fake it till you make it.”

Sure, but there’s a right way to do it as Susan points out.

Act and dress like the person you aspire to be, but always within your means.

The instant gratification approach of have now, pay later is not a measured one.

You won’t value hard work, earning something, if you reward yourself before the work is done.

And there’s nothing wrong with desiring and owning nice things.

I just hope you understand

Sometimes the clothes do not make the man.

Who Cares?

Have you ever gone out to a club and been self-conscious?

The purpose of going out is to have a good time, enjoy yourself, the company you’re with, but you’re so obsessed with your appearance, people’s opinion of you, and hey, is my hair ok?

Or maybe you noticed someone checking you out and didn’t take that as initiative to get up and talk to them.

Why? Because you’re worried what others think?

Remember back to a time you saw a stranger embarrass themselves in public.

Would you recognise them if you saw them again?

Will you approach them and say, “Hey, you’re that guy who fell off the pier!”

Everyone has fails. We all get embarrassed.

And guess what?

Everyone else in the club is self-conscious too. What makes you any different?

Get over yourself.

Learn to laugh more, let go of your ego, not take things so personally.

Other’s opinions don’t matter. They don’t know you.

Be comfortable in knowing the important people in your life, they accept you - faults and all, for you, not the person you’re pretending to be.

Never change who you are to please someone.

All you’re doing is living a lie, being disingenuous to them but most importantly yourself.

External Validation

Not everyone is going to like you.

As someone who in his younger years wanted everyone to like him, I can tell you it’s not gonna happen.

Think about it, aren’t there people you don’t like or aren’t a fan of?

If a friend told you they had a spare ticket to see Taylor Swift in concert, half of you (okay, maybe a quarter) would be like, “OMG, yes! I love Tay-Tay.”

Me? I’d politely decline.

And having hundreds of online friends doesn’t mean they’re all true friends.

Robin Dunbar argues the “magic number” is 150, but that’s not the full picture.

His theory suggests:

• The tightest circle has 5 people - loved ones
• The next layer 15 - good friends
• 50 friends
• 150 meaningful contacts
• 500 acquaintances; and
• 1500 people you can recognise

All too often people turn to social media to seek attention from friends and fans.

With all the political correctness and prissy individuals in the world today, many of us choose to keep our mouths shut over giving them a reality check, but the truth of it is they likely have low self-esteem, possibly a personality disorder…reckon everyone still likes me after that comment? 🤔

It’s unhealthy if you regularly turn to social media for validation.

You’re chasing happiness instead of finding it within.

There are things you can do to help break the habit.

Recognise, the “love” you get online may not always be genuine.

How many unconscious likes have you given whilst mindlessly scrolling?

If you’re one who eagerly anticipates the hit of dopamine delivered with each buzz of your device, then drops everything to check that like or comment, you have an addiction.

You don’t need approval or (fake) encouragement from others to feel good about yourself.

Your closest circles provide the support you need with honesty and sincerity.

The best thing you can do?

Take control. (Here’s the best guide for iPhone)

Find something that consumes you.

A hobby or passion you lose yourself in, that you don’t seek approval for.

Maybe it’s self-expression through cooking, painting, writing.

Or maybe it’s walking your own path in life and doing the unexpected.

Find your talent, gift, purpose.

Because once you do, no amount of external validation will replace the joy and fulfilment it will bring you.

Conclusion

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Don’t be someone you’re not. Be true to yourself. Your own brand.

Friends come and go.

People unfriend you for the most trivial reasons; you have no control of that.

Focus on the things you can control. Forget about the rest.

So, what’s the truth about what others think of you?

It’s none of your fucking business.

Deal with it.